Till this point in my life, I have been following the herd! But what now? This new life is unscripted and I am trying to find my own path forward. While that sounds really romantic, it is pretty tough and there are times, I lose it. I am definitely struggling with the change in identity and figuring out my true north, my true purpose. While our jobs are definitely not our self worth, we are so entangled in them, it gets hard to let go. And when I lose sight of what’s really important, going from making a 6 figure job to making less than what I made in my first job makes me feel like a failure. But there are many definitions of success. Ultimately I want a life I can feel good about on my death bed and that definitely doesn’t involve working long hours in an office.
The key to happiness and peace is to let go
When I do let go, even for that fleeting second, I see what a blessed life I lead. The chance to stay home, to care for loving, caring animals and my two, sweet and naughty boys, living by a beach in sunny California…OMG it doesn’t get much better. And I realize peace and happiness in that instance.
Finding my purpose
To over come the false sense of identity I got from my job, I have spent the last year introspecting about my purpose, my true north and my values. I read, watched and listened to various gurus on on the subject. I’ve been trying to figure out my story. I am still not there but the year has proved insightful. I have figured out what is important to me and could help me feel personally fulfilled. I had always thought my purpose needed to be something big, that I needed to do something that would change the world but that was just my ego talking. When I really think about what really matters, it’s the everyday little stuff that can add so much more color and meaning to life.
#1 LOVE: Spend more time with the people I love, my family
Take the time to teach my kids and play with them. I am especially guilty of not having played much with them. While I love my kids, I’m definitely guilty of just letting them play with each other, while I go about my day. In fact, I often joke, I had my second so the first would always have some company …ugh! And while they may not complain about this, I really wonder what the emotional impact to them is. I am consciously trying to change this, spend more quality time with them and letting go of my thoughts and other urgent but irrelevant to dos.
Same with my husband. It is so easy to just become roommates, going about your duties as parents and going to work everyday. But how do you keep that spark alive. We often call each other “mom” and “dad” cause that’s what the kids call us. That is a quick romance killer. We are working on spending more quality time together 👫, trying to find our path together. Ultimately we will be left behind when our kids leave for college or life. And at that point, we still want to be in love with each and want to spend time together. Stopping a corporate job and the big fat paycheck that comes with it is definitely stressful and is straining but we are pretty determined to try and create our own revenue streams.
#2 GROWTH: Gain mental freedom
You see, the thing about FIRE is, most people are so unhappy with their current state, that when they discover retiring early is doable, they start obsessing about it. They pursue it with an intensity that is unhealthy. And I am no exception to this. I ignored my health, to an extent my family and definitely my social life. Financial independence is a means to freedom but ultimately you can only be free if you mentally let go. That is what lets the peace in. What is more important is to let go of pursuing the rat race, to try and find peace within and strive for balance so you can enjoy each moment as it comes. Ultimately that is what I am looking for, personal freedom and the ability to enjoy each moment to the fullest. As a Type A person, who loves her to-do lists, letting go is really hard. For me, meditation has been a way to get there.
I also really love listening to personal growth gurus. Two books that changed my life are “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and “Your Money or your life“. The first I am still trying to practice. The second got me started on my financial independence journey and is what I credit with getting me where I am today. While I didn’t follow it to the T, I took away the big ideas and implemented the strategies. Today I am much more conscious that I trade my life energy to buy things. I use my time to work, earn money and then use that money to buy stuff. And when I look at how much I make per hour, its not just my salary divided by the total number of hours I work but also the hours it takes me to get ready for work, the commute time and when I get back, the time I need to destress. Adding all those hours up and dividing my salary by them, I can see how much I really get paid for each hour of my life energy. Now life energy is not unlimited. We all die, so the question is, what do you want to spend your life energy on? Instead of buying mindlessly, if we simplify and focus our money = life energy only on the things that are necessities and the things that bring us joy (for me that’s travel and food 😋), we are able to reach financial independence sooner. I would recommend everyone read, Your Money or Your Life, calculate how much you are being paid for each hour of your life energy and when buying something, ask yourself, is it worth it the time I spent earning this money?
On the skills side of things, I’d like to attack my bucket list, start learning carpentry and guitar soon. I’d also like to hone in on my digital marketing skills further.
#3 CONTRIBUTION: Add value to the community
Finally I have time to do something beyond a regular 9-5 job. Previously I was so into my work, I had never even dropped my kids to school beyond their first day. Everything was about work and it felt like if I stopped to do anything else for a minute, things would fall apart. Part of this was because of my boss’ expectations but a lot of it was self induced. Now I am grateful to have the time to contribute and make our community a better place. The two areas where I am trying to do more of this is through volunteering at my kid’s school and the local animal shelter. I plan to sign up at our local shelter and walk their dogs. And finally dog boarding is a job that is really appreciated by the pet’s parents, so it’s very fulfilling and a real service to the community.
#4 SECURITY: Achieve financial freedom and help others reach FI
While our investments pay for our mortgage, we still have the rest of our bills to pay. And in the Bay Area, everything costs a lot! Some of the other FIRE bloggers total monthly costs are less than just our insurance costs!!!! Technically we are at FI, if I include the value of our house. But to me (and my SO and I continue to disagree about this) the house is not an asset, as I can’t get money from/for it, unless I sell it or Air B’N’B it. I am however using it to board dogs, so in some ways it is starting to pay back. And my husband is planning to open an art studio on site, so that will start to bring in some revenue. Once it starts to pay for itself and more, our home will become a real asset.
I hope that this blog will inspire others to reach for Financial Independence as a means to a more fulfilled life. It doesn’t mean you need to leave your job, but it adds another level of security once you have FU money:)! And once you have it, there is room for more balance in life.
I’d love to hear your story and learn from it. Share your true north and purpose in life and how you got there….